to my heavenly father:

Thank you.

Thank you for never giving up on me.

Thank you for always providing for me, even when I doubt You.

Thank you for the parents, siblings, family, and friends you've blessed me with; I don't deserve them. 

Thank you for sending Your son to die for us. wow.

Thank you being my rock, always there.

Thank you for letting Yourself be known to me.

Thank you for loving me when I don't deserve it.

Thank you for being a forgiving, eternal, loving God.

Thank you.

a rainstorm with a rainbow at the end

Today had a pretty rough start. It began this morning after midnight.  I had taken Abigail to the Justin Bieber concert for her birthday (oh my gosh was her reaction fun! happy belated birthday, baby!) and didn't get home until after midnight.  I had ringing noises in my head and a huge headache from all the noise (daaaang, those girls can scream!).  I then woke up at 8 in the morning to study a little more before a midterm exam I had for a summer science class.  I was so exhausted. 

Pause. I'm terrible at science.  It just ain't my cup of tea.  And my brain isn't wired for it. At all.  So I was already stressed out about this test going into it, hoping for a good grade.  Continue. 

I drove to the library to take my off-campus test and walked into the doors with two number-two, freshly sharpened pencils in my hand (I love pens, so I found myself on a scavenger hunt this morning for pencils WITH erasers).  I walked up to the resource desk and bam. Thunder storm hit. 

The lady issuing me my test hadn't received the test and wouldn't be in the library until later that day.  They couldn't get ahold of her to see if it was sent out that morning.  Thunder.  I could come back in the afternoon and take it if it was sent. If not, I would have to explain it to my professor and try to reschedule for another day. Lightning.  

Cue the rain (err, my tears). 

I couldn't believe it.  I called my dad.  He tried to calm me down, saying it wasn't the end of the world.  We could recover from it. Breathe. Everything was going to work out.  Call Mom.  She tried to calm me down, saying we would figure it out.  We would call the science department, get it all sorted out. Breathe. We would fix it. 

Breathe (but keep the rain/tears comin').

I drove to Starbucks, hoping the empty calories of a coffee would calm me down (I don't know if you can tell, but I don't handle stress or curveballs very well).  The library called me before I made it into Starbucks, saying they received my test and could come in at any time to take it. 

Cue more rain (tears of relief). Thunder. Lightning. Enter God.

Hello, Kelsey.  God was in complete control of the situation the entire time.  Just yesterday my mom and I were talking about how when a stressful situation is thrown at me I prefer to dig my head in the sand and wait it out, hoping it will resolve on its own.  Spoiler alert. Most of the time, it doesn't.  We've been trying to work on not burying my head in the sand.  It's so hard.  But today forced me to face this challenge.  To call the science department and send out an email making sure my exam was sent out.  To be reminded and trust that God is always, 100% of the time taking care of us and continually helping us to grow as humans. 

It was all going to be okay.  Whether I didn't get the opportunity to take the exam or if it was going to have to be rescheduled. This one test wasn't going to make or break it for me; it was going to determine nothing other than a portion of my grade for this class.  

I drove back to the library, ready to walk back into the building and take my exam.  Mom suggested I take five minutes to sit in my car and pray, to de-stress, to refocus. 

Cue rainbow.

As I was sitting there praying, two guys got into the car next to me and sat there.  I didn't think much of it (other than that it was weird they were just sitting in their car).  I finished praying and thanking God, checked my eyes to make sure they had de-puffed from all that rain (I mean tears) and got out of my car with my pencils back in my hand.  

I was almost to the library doors when one of the guys had gotten out of the car and jogged up to catch up to me.  He said I had looked pretty upset and just wanted to make sure that I was okay.  I told them it had been a rough morning for it being before 10am, and so was just praying in my car to de-stress.  He then said that he would be praying for me and I ended up retelling him the events of the morning.  There I was, in the parking lot of the library, sobbing to this poor guy who just wanted to make sure I was okay. He said he would pray for me, and then asked if he could give me a hug before my test.

Cue double rainbow.  CUE THE DOUBLE RAINBOW.

I love hugs.  I love them so much.  You can convey so much through a hug.  I believe without a doubt in my mind that God sent that guy to me today before my test to give me a hug, to remind me that everything was going to be okay.  And it wasn't a little tiny, wimpy, "eww, I'm afraid of germs", hug.  It was a full on huge bear hug; the kind I like best.  

He told me he would be praying for me, and that I could do it, I could rock this test.  Then with one last hug, he was gone and I was taking my test.  

My confession: That hour was such a whirlwind of emotions.  But I am so thankful for that whirlwind and for that reminder that God is always in control.  Today's rainstorm sure did bring me a pretty rainbow. 

and I'll leave you with this

(only) photo of Baby and I at the JB

concert.  Unfortunately, I don't quite

deem JB important enough for an entire post

(some of the girls at the concert would faint

at me saying that. How dare I!) ,

so here is a photo of us two girls before the concert.

letting God be God

Faith. Patience. Trust. 

Three qualities I am trying to work on.  And three qualities that do not come easily to me.  But they're being tested right now, I can feel it.  And I'm glad that I recognize that God is trying to teach me a lesson.  Cause otherwise, well otherwise, I wouldn't grow in my relationship with Him or as a person.

Here's the scoop.  Mom and Dad said we couldn't get another dog until after Em's graduation.  She graduated last weekend (whoop, whoop. She did great; no tripping on the stage!) so we have been researching the Internet for the "right" dog (ohhhh, did you think I was going to say perfect?!) and refreshing each humane society's webpage to find our next dog.  

And here's where God comes into this.  Mom and Dad have been saying since day one of this search that God will bring the right dog into our lives when it's the right time.  WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME!? I am really struggling with this part.  I'm being selfish in this process.  I want to find the right dog as soon as possible so I can spend as much time with her as I can before I leave to go back to school in August.  It's so selfish of me to want this.  I grew up with Sadie, she'd been there since I was twelve.  She knew who I was (that I was the one who would give her table scraps...).  When I would come home from school on the weekends the way she would wag her tail and practically bounce around me made it clear that she knew who I was and that I had been gone.  She loved me.  And I want that relationship with our next dog.  Which is why I want to find her now, in hopes that I can have that same relationship with her (which, don't worry.  We all know that we will never be able to find a dog as good as Sadie.).  

But I'm not God.  And I have to keep reminding myself of that.  Life is so difficult when we try to do it all on our own.  God wants to be the one in control.  He knows what's best for us.  He knows when the right dog for our family will be ready for us to rescue/adopt her.  He knows.  And it's taken a little while, but tonight I'm slowly beginning to be okay with His timing and Him knowing what's going to work for us. Because I'm pretty sure I want what God says is best for me, not what my human brain thinks is best for me. 

My confession: I'm letting go.  And I'm letting God be God.  

the dominican republic

Hello, hello again, friends! It has been too long!  But that is because I have been in the Dominican Republic.  Thank you so much for your prayers while we were there.  No one got sick and I only got 63 bug bites (all below my knees...)! 

Those ten days in Jarabacoa, DR were some of the greatest days of my life.  I learned so much about myself, life, and God in such a short amount of time.  I learned that I take the things my parents have blessed us kids with for granted, I learned that I enjoy serving others and how easy it is so simply love someone, and I learned that God is always present, in the calm and in the storms.  

Our team was so incredible.  I was a tad worried about how we would all work together after having our few meetings prior to leaving.  No one really talked and I was worried we wouldn't really bond while in the DR.  The only other mission trip out of state I have been on was in Joplin, MO after the tornado hit, and our team bonded so incredibly well.  I didn't want to worry about having high expectations for this trip, so I prayed a lot about this specifically before leaving.  Needless to say, our team is awesome and I love every one of them. It was really good to be able to have some light hearted fun through games and laughs whilst being immersed in the poverty of Jarabacoa.  

We got the opportunity to meet these five incredible missionaries from FIGHT Ministries while in Jarabacoa.  Their mission is awesome and I highly recommend checking out their site!

While in Jarabacoa our purpose was to teach people how to read via the help of LEI (Literacy and Evangelism International). I personally got to teach a woman named Kenya and a girl named Angela.  I cannot describe the feeling we all got after witnessing those we were helping read a paragraph.  Seeing their faces light up after being able to understand what they were reading was indescribable.  Being able to read was something I realized I had taken for granted, and was absolutely humbled to be able to teach both of those individuals how to read. 

The people of Jarabacoa are the absolute bees knees.  Everywhere we went, kids ran over to us and just hugged us.  Seeing how freely those kids gave us love really struck a chord with me.  They didn't care what color my skin was, my religion, my pants size, how smart I was, they loved me for me before I even opened my mouth to tell them my name.  Those kids taught me how to truly love, and for that, I am so grateful. 

I wish I could give you every detail of my trip (and don't worry, I could.  I got it all written down in my journal from the first second we stepped on the plane to the second we arrived in Chicago), but there are some parts of the trip I am still processing and others I don't know how to put into words.  I loved it in Jarabacoa.  I loved the people, I loved the culture, I loved God's presence, and I loved how breathtakingly beautiful it is.  I would love the opportunity to go back and continue the relationships we have made with those who still live there.  I am so grateful to everyone who financially supported me, supported me through prayer, and those who supported me with encouragement.  Thank you, thank you.  My time spent there will never be forgotten.  

yes I know, the most BEAUTIFUL chicken I have ever seen

and then I know, I know. I couldn't contain my excitement either, I GOT TO HOLD A CHICKEN!

Oh yeah, I also did this.  Holy cow, I peed my pants right before and it took many, many, many 1,2,3s before I finally jumped in.

My confession: I am so grateful for the ten days I got to spend in Jarabacoa serving the Lord and I will never forget the people I met and memories I made while there.