thoughts in my head (that sounds scary)

The other night I wrote a bunch of jumbled thoughts down on this little space of the Internet here.  I didn't end up posting it--it didn't feel right, finished, complete.  Sometimes that happens.  And it takes me journaling and talking about those thoughts with friends to fully process what I want to say and what words I want to say for how I'm feeling. 

So, my thoughts.  They've been heavy this week.  Pretty dark.  In my global feminism class we talked about violence against women this week (including honor killings, genital cuttings, and rape).  Oh my gosh.  It was so hard. It was so heavy.  My heart really broke.  At times I just felt helpless and hopeless and lost and angered and sad and motivated, and just human. 

And then to make it even more difficult, I haven't been able to talk with either of my parents this week.  And they're usually the ones I go to to process the deep stuff like this.  So what did that mean for me? Well, it meant I turned to God.  And I cried to Him and prayed to Him and pleaded with Him and I just sat with Him.  I'm not saying I got it all together or that now I understand or feel any lighter.  But I am saying that I found so much comfort in knowing He was there listening and holding me.  

I oftentimes feel like the people and society I grew up in are (perhaps unintentionally) unaware of some of these evils of the world.  A bubble, if you will.  Why is it that I haven't heard about modern day slavery and human trafficking until I took these classes at twenty years old?! Ah, it makes my head spin realizing how ignorant I've been.  And perhaps it's because I couldn't have handled some of this stuff beforehand.  But it's oftentimes felt lonely discovering all these dark secrets of the world.  And right when I begin to think this journey of education on human trafficking is dark and lonely, God shines a light.  

I went to the Jenny & Tyler concert tonight (pictured above.  If you don't know them, do yourself a favor and listen to their music.  They have such pure, raw, beautiful talent. so good).  I had only recently heard of them from a friend...we're talking like a week ago.  And then last night I found out they were playing across the river from campus and the stars aligned and I found myself at their concert.  And what was their concert benefiting, you ask? Well, let me tell you! Their tour is called For Freedom and they have partnered with IJM (International Justice Mission) to help shed light on slavery today.  How cool? Seriously, how cool? And the organization I'm involved with on campus (Generation: Justice) not only got a little plug, but then I also found out about another organization in the city that is helping to educate citizens on human trafficking and they hope to one day soon open up a home for those rescued from trafficking.  

God is so good.  He really, truly is.  And not because He did those things to show me I'm not alone.  And not because He was there when I couldn't have been satisfied or filled by any one else this week.  But because He simply is good.  He is loving, and just, and compassionate, and my Savior.  He is good. 

a little bit o' green

I hate science.  I've dreaded every science class I've ever had to have taken.  I don't get it.  It confuses me. And sometimes I don't see a point in even trying to understand it.  So when I got here and they required for me to take TWO science classes I thought for sure I'd never graduate.  But lo and behold, here I am, four semesters in, in my second science class: Horticulture 101.  

My grandma had her Masters in gardening and my parents have always spent a lot time and care in our flower beds and gardens back home.  And the past year or so my dad has begun to grow a lot of our fruits and vegetables via hydroponics (rumor is this summer Mom has given him the "green light" to build an outdoor garden!!).  Because of all these things I thought maaaaybe horticulture ran in my blood.  Maybe.

Good news: I think it actual may!!

I love the class. It's so great.  I love learning about all the different things that go on in seeds and plants and what makes a seed grow and what it takes to keep a healthy plant.  I also LOVE the lab part of it, where we get to apply what we're learning in lecture to an actual plant.  

Over spring break Dad let Cooper, Baby, and I pick out our own pack of seeds.  Cooper got cantaloupe and Abs got watermelon.  We picked out a couple flower seeds for Mom and then I got sunflower seeds (my favorite flower).  It hasn't even been two weeks since we planted the seeds and my flowers are GROWING! I originally planted them in one pot, but tonight had to transfer them each to their own.  Talk about an exciting Friday night. Seriously. It was so cool to pull them each out and see their roots and how LONG they are!!! I am so amazed it's only been 12 days and their roots are that long!

My confession: I cannot wait to continue to watch these guys grow! I'm so amazed! And while I don't particularly enjoy the exams in my HORT class, I do look forward to what we learn each class and what we do in labs.  Ah, maybe I'll triple major (; 

I fell in love

 

I found my soul city. It's true. So completely, 100%, undoubtfully true.  I left my heart in the Big Apple last week.  I cannot even wrap my head around how much I loved being in the city.  And that I got to experience it with my momma was even more amazing.  Seriously, NYC is the bees knees.  

The subway was for sure one of my favorite parts (how QUICKLY you could get from one end of the island to another...geesh! Also, I loved how much my mom reminded me of Arthur Weasley from HP, hah.  She could never get the metro card to swipe her in!) I also love how ALIVE the city is! And all the colors! The chaos! The people and all their individualities! THE NOISES! All the yellow taxis rushing from lane to lane! The unique buildings on every. single. street. And so many tall buildings.  I loved it! I loved all of it.  I loved all the energies of the different districts.  One of my favorite parts was walking from one district to another and subtly being able to feel the atmosphere change.  And my favorite district: The Flat Iron District.  I could have spent an entire day, just sitting, watching, eating.  I fell hard for that diverse, alive, fun, eccentric, unique city.  I cannot wait to go back.

Thanks Momma (and Dad) for gifting me with such an awesome trip.  I will never, ever forget it! And I'm sure I'll now have an itch to go back until I get to do just that!

 ^^ probably my favorite photo from the trip

 ^^ and my second favorite photo

My confession: If you can't tell from all these photos, we covered SO MUCH ground during those short four day! I feel like we did and saw everything there was--and yet there is still so much we didn't get to explore! We got to see and experience everything on my list (except eat at the Shake Shack) and for that, I am so appreciative! I loved this trip and I loved that my momma got to be the one to experience it with me! Until next time, NYC! 

favorite place, favorite dude

It's no secret, Cooper, Emily, and I are absolutely in love with the IMA.  It's for sure one of our favorite places in Indy and our favorite "hey, let's get out of the house" destination.  Saturday afternoon Cooper and I jumped at the opportunity to take a visit downtown and we were so pleased that we happened to pick the "right" day (they lifted the "no photos" ban on the third floor!!!).  Unfortunately Em is on vacation in South Carolina now training for the rowing team, but we took enough photos for her to feel as if she, too, were there with us.  

Almost every time we visit the museum we go into the Lily house, but for some reason Coop and I just weren't feeling it.  Perhaps it's that we don't like how "museum-ey" it feels, but we figured we would rather spend the time exploring the greenhouse.  We ended up buying a terrarium plant (named Mister Terry Plant...so creative, I know) and took lots of pictures of the different plants to show Dad to add to our own home garden.  It was such a good day, and an absolutely brilliant way to start off break!

And now to continue break...Mom and I fly out for New York City tomorrow morning! I cannot even contain my excitement!  I have been so in love with this city (from afar) for so long that I cannot believe I get to go and take it all in and explore it for real! I have no idea how I will get any sleep tonight! I also have no idea how I fit ALL my clothes AND shoes into this bag. No idea how. 

My confession: Break is already starting off right and I cannot even wait to see what else is in store for the rest of break!

the happiest of all the mondays!

Yesterday one of my all-time bestest of best friends got to visit me at school and it made my heart smile so big I think it may have actually burst.  Melyssa goes to school on the opposite side of the country and I hadn't been able to see her since October!! It's been pretty hard going so long without seeing her (we criss-crossed this past summer on who was in the country and when, so I didn't even get a whole summer with her! And we did the exact same thing over winter break! We have GOT to get it together for next year!), but it made today oh so much sweeter! 

Melyssa is someone I know will be in my life for the whole length of it.  The spiritual relationship we have and the goofiness we bring out in one another is so rare and so special to me.  I love the conversations that we have, the adventures we somehow always find ourselves in (THIS! seriously, read that story), and the silliness of our personalities combined.  She is always ready to drop whatever it is she is doing to help me, and her intentionality with our friendship is so meaningful.  She stretches me in my faith, and encourages me when life gets tough.  

It was hard saying good-bye to her (and her right-hand man) today after only a few short hours with her, because in those hours I realized just HOW much I had been aching for some Melyssa-time.  But only 62 more days until she is home for the summer, and then I get her all to myself until I leave for Africa!

^new favorite photo, for suuuuuure. 

My confession: Melyssa (and Louis), I am SO glad that you got to visit campus today and that I got to introduce you to my life here.  You have no idea how good it was to see you and hug you and laugh with you.  I always look forward to the adventures we get ourselves into and the many laughs we share! I love you, Mel! 

some thoughts on international women's day

In high school my parents have had each of us kids take a personality/job placement test.  Back then, I thought I wanted to go to a small, conservative Christian school where I could be surrounded by people who believed the same thing I did.  But the counselor we met with after my test told me to go to a school that was the exact opposite: big and secular.  I thought he was absolutely nuts and dead-wrong.  Now looking back, I see that he was completely right and am so glad I listened to him. So far in college my beliefs and opinions and stances have been challenged and stretched and shattered.  And though it has been an exhausting, painful, numbing experience, I am so grateful for those tests, as they have helped me understand why I believe what it is that I believe (and I'm sure I'm no where near being done being tested on those beliefs. yippee, eh?). 

Last semester I took my first Women's Studies class: Women, Politics, and Public Policy. It was so eye-opening.  I went into the class completely set against Feminism and the idea of Women's Studies.  Women were equal, right? We could go to college, and vote, and work. Weren't feminists bra-burning, men & children hating, radical lesbian activists, anyways? Ha. Looking back at those thoughts supports the idea that I should be at a large school.  

The course taught me so much and I decided to declare Women's Studies as my minor as I became more and more passionate about the study of women and the fight for true equality.  I am not quite the feminist that I described above (although give me someone who believes our journey is over and I can quickly turn into some of those things).  While those feminists do exist (and I think it's important that some of them do in fact exist), I would label myself as a feminist: someone who believes that women are just as deserving as men, that we are just as capable of making decisions that directly affect our gender, and that we are just as just as deserving, just as willing, just as driven, just as smart, just as special as men. 

In our patriarchal society, I think it is very important to have an entire day where we celebrate women internationally.  To me it's really sad that we have to have a Women's Studies minor/major, because it shows that our history is not being equally taught in our history classes.  If we were to look at women's roles during the wars, women's roles during crucial periods in our history, etc. if we really, truly, honestly looked at women's history alongside "American History" courses, then there would be no need for Women's Studies.  And the same goes for African American Studies. Or LGBT Studies. Or any other minority group whose history is being left out of "American Studies" all throughout grade school and in collegiate classes.  But until we are being taught these things, there will be a need for these majors/minors. 

"International Women's Day is a time to remember and celebrate the social and political achievement made over the years for this gender, as well as bring awareness of violence against women and discrimination, which unfortunately is still happening around the world" (taken from here). I believe we still have a ways to go. However, women have contributed so much to help us get to where we are today, and I think it's very important to celebrate those accomplishments. From the windshield wiper, to street rolling machines, to the circular saw, to disposable diapers, to an engine muffler, women have helped contribute IMMENSELY to our society. Oh, and they birth every child that enters this Earth (have you ever truly thought about that? So. Cool.).

My confession:  It's in these classes where I feel as if I'm actually learning something worthwhile: the history of my gender.  It makes me proud to be a woman, proud to bear that title.  I will continue to advocate for women's rights, for more women to be in power to control what happens to women's bodies, for women to get equal pay, to break stereotypes of women at home, in society, and in the work place until we see those changes occurring. Happy International Women's Day and month. 

And for those who are wondering when 

International Men's Day is, it's November 19. 

You didn't think our society would forget about them did, you?! 

and an interesting article on why we still should celebrate this day:

my twin

No, we're not really twins. I just like to say that we were twins in the womb, me coming out a few (16) months before her.  We've got a pretty rich history together, Em and I.  From the many games we played while we were supposed to be sleeping to the imaginary world we created in our tree house.  One of my favorite memories is when we went over to our neighbors house and captured somewhere between 20 and 30 butterflies and took them up to our shared room.  We let them fly free during the day and then at night we put them either in our butterfly net or in the window between the screen and glass.  To this day I'm not sure if our parents know about our butterfly garden we kept for a few weeks in our room (us four kids are pretty good at keeping live things from our parents. Like the story of how we got our late cat, Bella.  We found her at the bus stop one day and fell pretty in love with her.  We hid her in our garage for a few weeks, feeding her cheerios and stolen cat food from the neighbors. Knowing our parents' strict "no pets" rule, we decided that if we gave her to our mom for her birthday, then she could not possibly say "no" to our sweet stray cat.  And what do you know? They said "yes"!). 

Growing up, though, Em and I have always been pretty close (you know why I'm throwing you a hard nudge here, Em (; ).  And despite our many, many, many, many differences, it's never slowed or faltered our relationship.  I think I always took advantage of how close we were until my first year here at school and I realized how much I missed her.  AND THEN I thought the world was ending when she almost made the wrong decision to attend Wright University.  So you can imagine my pure excitement when she chose to come here!

And I don't think we've taken advantage of each other both being here as much as we should, but when we do get to sneak in a lunch or dinner, it's always so, so, so good.  Today we grabbed lunch and it was so good to catch up on her life and then do the same for her with mine.  It's so cool to see how God is working in both of us and how much we're both growing as women.  

Emily is really shining here in school and also especially on the rowing team.  I am really enjoying watching her come into her own and learn to live more independently.  She sure is making our family proud with all her accomplishments thus far into her college career.  And even though I've struggled a bit with just HOW well she's doing here (like, she is mastering this whole college thing), I'm at a place now where I can be full of excitement and joy for her as she continues to grow as a child of God.  

My confession: I love you, Em. And I love our spontaneous (and planned) mini-dates.  I'm so incredibly proud to call you my little sister and so, so glad we are both at the same school right now.  I love you forever (can't wait to marry those twin brothers we talked about when we were little and living in neighboring homes!).