being in the valley

While I was in Uganda I felt closer to God than I have in a very long time. I found excitement in waking up early to read my bible, to discover what it was God wanted to show me on that day. I loved walking and talking to God on my way to and from work each day. I saw Him everywhere in that country: the people, the landscape, conversations I had, experiences I went through. He was everywhere and I was so in love with Him.

Coming home, though, has been hard. I dread waking up earlier than I have to, and that's usually due to the late (or sometimes early morning) hour it is when I get to bed. In Uganda it got dark at 7, so most nights we were in bed around 10. I was well-rested each morning, ready to read my bible. Now, it's a good day if I can read it during my breaks between classes or before bed. In Uganda I was able to talk to God on my commutes because I had no music to listen to and 45 minutes of free time. Here, I walk with friends or drive with music. 

I no longer (feel as if I) need to be dependent on God. I have my air conditioning, I have my phone, I have my friends, I have my comforts. It took me a few weeks to see what I was doing, to recognize that I was sliding right back into the way I was doing life pre-Uganda. Now I yearn to hear God's voice, to want to spend time with Him, to be filled solely by Him.

These past couple months I feel as if I have gone from the mountaintop and fallen right into the valley, no time to smell the flowers on the way, just straight to the valley. And it's been really frustrating.  I make myself read my bible and I make myself pray and I keep trying to make my relationship with God a formula where I need to input the correct A and B in order to achieve C. If I read and if I pray, then God will fill me up again. 

But that isn't how it works. I need to take this head knowledge and learn to move it to my heart, to fall in love with Jesus again. It's been a process, but these past couple weeks I have slowly found my soul filling back up again with the desire and yearning and love for God. I have seen God in my friends and on campus and in nature. He's so good, and I know He's waiting right there, just waiting for me to grasp His hand. I by no means have this whole thing figured out, but I do feel myself reaching more and more for Him with each day, and I am so positive He's there reaching right back for me. 

I'm so in love with a God who loves us more than we could ever comprehend, who has a more perfect plan than one we could ever imagine. He is good and so very much alive. I want this experience to teach me the importance of persevering through these valleys in order to reach those mountain tops. I want to feel full of Him again. And I know I will.