the most beautiful dream

image via ddddd

I love dreams.  I love day dreams, I love night dreams, I love any sort of dream.  There is rarely a night where I don't dream an enchanting, unique, wild, crazy, weird dream.  And my family can tell you, my dreams are quite the spectacle (they are all subject to listening to the most crazy of them.  Especially Dad, he's always a trooper when it comes to my early morning phone calls about last night's dream.). I love the way I can be transported into this alter world where anything is possible--and trust me, with my subconscious, ANYTHING is possible.  

This morning I woke up with tears running down my face, arms feeling empty, heart feeling broken knowing my dream was simply that, and nothing more. 

In my dream I was on an island country of the Indian/Pacific Ocean (perhaps Cambodia, The Philippines, Malaysia, etc).  I was walking around the shores of the beach with a midwife when we found an unresponsive, malnourished infant baby girl.  We quickly picked her up, put her on a plyboard and were preparing to take her out into the water to get help at the midwife's home.  We were then joined by a man and his young daughter who helped carry the plyboard with the baby girl out to the midwife's house.  At first I didn't know why we needed their help, and then when we walked out in the water I understood why--her house was so far out you couldn't even see it from shore. 

(Note: I HATE the ocean, or any type of large body of unclear water for that matter.)  I was completely freaking out in the dream while we were carrying her to the house.  I refused to put my feet down and egg-beatered (holla to my synchro friends) the long way out.  When we finally made it to her house (envision picture above) we invited the little girl and her father to come up into her house to dry off and try to revive the infant with us.  They looked at us and then went underwater, sinking into the dark abyss beneath us until we could no longer see them and then swam off (this part was pretttttty creepy/eery).  

Once in the midwife's house she prepared milk in a bottle as I held the little girl.  I tried bouncing her gently to get her to wake up and continued to do so as we tried to get her to eat.  She wouldn't take the milk, wouldn't take the milk, and then, the midwife gave up on her, leaving the room.  Tears began running down my face as I realized I was holding a dying baby who was refusing her last chance of life.  

It was then as I was praying out loud for her to respond that we locked eyes as she finally sputtered back to life and her brown eyes peered into mine.  In that moment, I knew, I knew that she was mine.  That I was responsible for her life.  And in that small moment, I loved her and knew that I would always care for. 

And then my alarm went off, shattering the most beautiful dream I have ever had.  It was cruel.  I woke up to empty arms, no longer holding the most precious baby, the baby I had decided I would adopt (in dream land).  My heart cringed for a moment as reality settled in and I understood that the tears on my face were from one of the most intense, magnificent dreams I have ever had.  

I wanted to write this dream down, to permanetize it, to always remember it.  I wish I could paint you a better picture of my dream, because I am sure it will be one of the few that I will always carry with me.  I know it may seem silly, but the dream was so vivid, so life-like.  It really, really touched me in a way none of my other dreams have yet to do. 

My confession: I love dreaming.  I love the anticipation of wondering where my subconscious will take me.  And I loved last night's gift of one of my now most cherished dreams.  

ps, I know I used the word "beautiful"

quite a few times in this post, but that's 

because I think it is the most fitting word

for this dream. Perhaps "serene" would have 

worked, but something about the dual 

simplicity and complexity of the word "beautiful"

seemed to be the only one that worked.